Hitler, The Cure and My Daugher

In a It's a Small World exercise, I've discovered that this week in April is a non-stop birthday hit parade. Murders' row of birthdays:

• April 20 - Hitler
• April 21 - Robert Smith (of The Cure)
• April 22 - My daughter's birthday

Of course we are all familiar with Hitler (and his love of the Cowboys). Robert Smith possesses the undying love and affection of my wife. And, my 10 year old daughter has my undying love and wants to run the world as the supreme dictator some day.

On Becoming a Mavs Fan

In the pre-Cuban days of the late 90s, when the Mavs stunk beyond belief and Nellie (no not him, him) was brought in to turn it around I became an instant, but tepid, follower of the team. After all, I was a Milwaukee-transplant to the Dallas metroplex and Nellie was the only NBA coach I'd ever known growing up. He was just the sort of drunken genius anyone can get behind.

Then Cuban bought the team and what seemed like overnight, the Mavs starting winning like crazy. They frenetically went from love-able losers, to over-achieving underdogs to bonafide contenders. There simply was nothing not to like. The pinnacle of my Mavs fan engorgement was in 2006 when the mighty Spurs were vanquished in seven in the single best NBA playoff series I've ever witnessed.

Truth be told, I always suspected I was just being a bandwagon homer living in the 'burbs. It was a introspective shame that I carefully hid.

Despite the shallow underpinnings of my Mavs fandom, I weathered the Finals collapse. The incredible we-are-the-Globetrotters regular season of 2006-07 was my vindication for keeping the faith. Of course that regular season's greatness evaporated the first game of the first round of the playoffs against the lowly Warriors. Despite that and perhaps through my soft spot for good ol' Nellie and his Miller Lite hijinks, my hope still sprang eternal for 2007-08.

This regular season has been a bizarre dozen or so right turns to try to find the destination of greatness again. Each turn has lead directly back to mediocrity. The last turn I watched was on Thursday in Denver. It become obvious that the season, perhaps the current franchise's constitution was diseased with mediocrity. There would be no playoffs, no greatness, nothing.

There was a dark curtain dropping on the neck of my fair-weather fanaticism like a guillotine. Free of my poisoned beliefs of hoping for what won't be, I discovered with complete surprise . . . I loved the Mavs anyway. I started imagining next season, the draft, what could be - how my Mavs would make it right someday. And, that I would be there all along the way. There with open arms when my little Mavs finally do make it.

What Would I Unmake?

I'm a bit of an afternoon cloud today

I read an interesting blog today about deciding which game to unmake, and I thought that I'd expand the question to beyond just a game.

Happy Days (TV Show)
As a card-carrying Milwaukeean, I was forced to watch as a child. The damage done was irreversible. I still spell kool with a k for God's sake.

Mosquito (Animal)
The only animal I feel no remorse in killing.

Jimmy Carter (Politician)
I blame him for just about everything and encourage my children to feel revulsion even at an image of him. Bill Clinton gets an honorable mention.

Miami Dolphins (Sports Franchise)
That queer logo with a dolphin wearing a helmet is the most aggravating visual experience for me every fall.

The Perils of Gwendolyn and The Gods Must Be Crazy (tie - Film)
I firmly believe we can trace the root cause of the current U.S. recession back to these two films.

Microsoft Access (Database)
Where's the fine for Microsoft from the Euro-Thought-Police on this abomination?

Lifetime (TV Network)
This 24 hour groin-kick has somehow cloned itself into several flavors on my TV guide. I say cloned, because there couldn't have possibly been a male gamete involved.

Kanye West (Celebrity)
Only vaguely familiar with his music, I saw his picture the other day, and he looked like a straight-up buster.

Alzheimer's (Disease)
Anything that causes dementia and doesn't have the decency to kill you quickly is out in my book.

John Wayne (Actor)
Everything he was ever in sucked.

Dan Rather (Newsman)
Willing to take any risk because he's never ever wrong, no matter how much of it he has to make up.

Sanka, Folgers, Maxwell House, et al. (Hot Beverage)
Because these cheap-o mainstream mass brands of coffee taste worse than sphincter-o-the-day.

Budweiser (Cold Beverage)
This rice-bound formaldehyde blend of piss should be removed from the market.

Tic-tac-toe (Game)
The most pointless waste of time ever conceived. Didn't the inventor see War Games with Mathew Broderick?

MySpace (Social Network)
It is indescribable how bug-laden, spam-ridden and drivel-oriented this web space is to me. However, I don't have many friends so please invite me to be your friend.

I could go on and on, life is so dreary today.

WWBD: What would Brett do?

I hope weird and unsettling things don't come in three...

I woke up this morning a Republican and had my voter registration card stamped Democrat before lunch. The last time I voted for a Democrat was in a 1988 primary in Wisconsin. As a freshly-minted citizen of age living in a suburb with Whitey all around me, I voted for Jesse Jackson and his dubious Rainbow Coalition in the primaries. Unable to stomach itty-bitty Dukakis in the general election, I read the lips of the looking-wiser-than-ever-lately (more on that in another post) George Bush.

Today I voted for Obama. I agree with his ever-present disdain for the everything that is wrong with the Clinton-machine and my America. My vote was not allegiance, more of a layaway payment on some swell boots. I'm giving him 8 months to convince me those boots are a necessity before I come to my Republican senses.

So, if I can survive a day getting stamped Democrat and saluting farewell to my favorite warrior - I guess I can take anything.

[2008-03-10 - Yet again weird things come in three. I learned later in the week that E. Gary Gygax died the day I posted this.]

Bleeding Green and Gold

Why the Green Bay Packers are better than the Dallas Cowboys...

America's Team is dead. I don't mean they've lost and have been eliminated from the NFL Playoffs. Rather, their claim on this ethereal crown has finally teetered off their over-inflated heads. The crown has been returned to and donned by its rightful owner, by Lombardi-given right.

Living in Cowboy country, I live glorious Green Bay Packer seasons from afar these days. I offer this example to my neighbors about why your team has lost, and mine has won - in the end.

First, the entire idea of having an essay contest to compete for tickets to an NFL game is simply charming. On top of that, the selected essay and its author should give you a glimpse into what my fanaticism is based upon, from Green Bay Packer site:

Loyalty, enthusiasm, positive thinking, and prayer for the safety of the players are my qualifications for being an honorary captain. These attributes have been steadfast through good seasons and disappointing ones.

I have known well the previous teams and have respected each individual player since 1945. My Dad taught me at an early age all the fine points of the game and expected me to know numbers, plays, rules and strategies....now for a girl, this was a novelty at the time. My last game with him was the "Ice Bowl" and by then I was already a Manitowoc Franciscan Sister who did most of her play calling from a chair near the radio or TV. This game was a challenge.I was stuffed, long habit and full garb into a sleeping bag up to my nose and almost bunny hopped over the bleachers on the last play. Lucky for me, the people in front of me had left a minute before the end so I had a spect[ac]ular view from the 50 yard line. If the game had lasted any longer, my fingers would have been permanently stuck to my rosary beads.

This year's team has had some of the enthusia[s]m and drive of the "glory days." It has brought back many memories and I would be proud to be on the field with them to show my support of their dedication to the game and improvement as players.

Each team in our history has included much character building, dedication and unselfishness by the players, and the wisdom and drive of the coaches. There always has been a diversity of personalities but a common goal.....love the game, give your all, and respect the fans who support the team. I would bring this same philosophy to being an honorary captain.

- Sister Sean Marie Tobin, Manitowoc, WI

January 2008 Essay Contest Winner.